I’m fat.

That’s something I’ve had to accept. At 6’2” and 335lbs I am obese and that needs to change.

I used to justify my weight telling myself that I carry it well, I’d remember that Homer Simpson is based on a 220lbs man and he looks way fatter than me! Or I’d watch a video about weight loss and see the subject of the video was lighter, but looked more out of shape than I do. I didn’t realise it at the time but these were coping mechanisms so I didn’t have to face the music and accept that I’ve got a long way to go if I want to get back into the shape I once was.

When I was a child, I wasn’t just thin, I was bordenerline malnourished. I never realised but when I look back, you could practically see my bones in my arms and legs, I had “v-lines” and had I been athletic I imagine I’d have had abs, too. I hadn’t touched a gym, or gotten involved in any activities other than mountain biking and martial arts, so there was not fat and minimal muscle on my frame. I wasn’t healthy, but I was skinny.

That changed at 17, a well priced gym opened in my town, my only option before this was an ill equipped £50/month gym, which I just didn’t have the spare cash for.

The new gym was £12/month and had all of the latest gear, it was a non-profit chain gym and as commercial as it was, it had a decent amount of “Hammer Strength” equipment which I enjoyed for a while, until I started hitting the free weights. My weight ballooned. I went from approximately 150lbs to 180lbs over the course of a year. My frame filled out with muscle and fat dropped off me, I looked great. I knew it, other people knew it. My biceps grew from 13” to 18” in 6 months and I had the stretch marks to prove it to anyone that didn’t believe me.

It felt great to go from this weak, skinny kid, to this powerful, muscular man. I had always had girlfriends but now I was getting serious attention on dating apps and the like. People wanted me and I loved it.

Fast forward 8 years, I stopped hitting the gym when I started a “real job” consisting of spending 40hrs a week at a desk behind a computer. I thought the job was great at the time but knowing what I know now I should have quit and moved workplaces a lot sooner. I’ll cover more about how my job impacted my journey in another post. For now, just know that it was a toxic environment that drained me of any willpower I had left.

My weight ballooned, at 220lbs I was still hitting the gym and loved the look I was rocking. 21” biceps, still had my “v-lines” a very muscular back and legs, although my chest never wanted to grow. I was strong too, I was deadlifting over 200kg which wasn’t bad since I didn’t consider myself a strength athlete.

Eventually I dropped from 6 days a week at the gym, to 5…4…3….0. I stopped altogether, but I ate like I was still hitting it hard every day.

That was the start of the end, I didn’t notice it at first, I didn’t weight myself. I remember thinking “I’m losing muscle” but never thinking “I’m getting fat” and suddenly it seemed overnight the scale was reading 335lbs, and I did not care. It took years to get here, but to me, it seemed normal. I had put on 200lbs since my pre gym days, and 150lbs since my best physique. When would I come to the realisation that’s not okay?

The switch flipped

I can’t tell you exactly what flipped my switch, all I know is it happened. It was definitely a combination of accepting I need to lose weight, becoming inspired by David Goggins story of weight loss and seeing that he achieved what I’m hoping too (300lbs+ to lean, fit and athletic) and also a bit of mental clarity too.

During my teen years, I would SH semi regularly, I put it down to hormonal imbalance looking back, but it happened. The gym became my outlet and I’d openly admit that, when I started lifting I stopped the SH. When the gym stopped, of course it was going to come back in some form – but this time it was eating for comfort.

It took me a long time to connect those dots, I hadn’t necessarily “got better” I’d just found a different outlet. And I need to redirect that into a healthy outlet.

Your own life and experiences will give you a different reason to flip your switch, and I hope that my blogs help you with that, but it’s something you have to do on your own, no amount of inspirational speakers, doctors, loving family, bullies or trainers can force you to make that change, you’ve got to want to make it, but when you do, your life will change.

The biggest difference I noticed when my switch flipped, was my attitude to food. I’d never been one for eating breakfast, and I’d recently come across Dr Jason Fung, an expert on the topic of intermittent fasting (IF). IF seemed like an easy adaption for me to make, and it was, and I knew the benefits were huge! Before my switch flipped, I was constantly eating and the feeling of hunger made me angry and short. I would order takeaway to make the feeling go away because I couldn’t bare to cook while hungry. I spent thousands every year on takeout, a habit I’m still trying to kick.

My attitude to food now is much better, I’m not one of these “food is fuel” people, because I enjoy good food. I’ve associated the feeling of hunger with losing weight and burning fat, and in my second week of IF I performed a 40hr fast with a friend. I then proceeded to binge eat when we went for breakfast, but I realised I have the “willpower” to deny myself food for 40 hours, so denying it for just 16 was easy! I’ll cover more about my IF journey in another post, but it’s been key to losing weight without hating what I eat.

I also realised if I want to lose weight and keep it off, I need to change my lifestyle. I’ve already committed to IF as a lifelong eating philosophy, but I needed to alter my lifestyle to be more active. The gym is great for burning calories and gaining muscle, but it’s something I always view as a separate part of my life, and from past experience I know how easy it is to fall out of the habit of going, and how hard it can be to take the first step to get going again. I needed a hobby that burns calories.

I thought back to my days of downhill mountain biking, I loved those days, and I’d love to get back into it, but I also love riding bikes in general. I love the feeling of going fast, I’ve owned fast cars and going just 30mph on a bicycle feels faster than going [The Speed Limit] in a car… so I bought a “hybrid bike” which is sort of like a road bike, but without those crazy handlebars and slightly wider tyres.

That’s it, that’s my hobby. When I’m working from home, at lunch I cycle to the top of the hill my house is on, a solid 600m long road with a 40m change in elevation. Challenging enough to get my heart rate up, burn my quads and lungs, but short enough for me to get to the top and back home in 10 minutes and then eat my lunch. Don’t forget, I weigh in excess of 300lbs so while this may sound easy if your an experienced rider, try doing this with 50kg/100lbs of weight in a backpack and see how you get on…

Cycling is a hobby I can keep up, that burns calories, and that I can see the benefit of both getting stronger and lighter, as both of those factors will allow me to go further and faster.

Where am I now?

I started my weight loss journey a little under 5 weeks ago, at 335lbs. The first 4 weeks I knew I was just going to see how my weight loss goes with introducing IF, the gym, cycling, and calorie counting (1900cal a day)

Currently I weigh 317.9lbs, so I’ve lost 17.1lbs in 5 weeks. Without forcing myself to go to the gym when I didn’t want to, and without denying myself good food.

This week, I’ve stepped it up a notch, I’ll be more strict with my eating, and more strict with the gym too. I’ve set up “backstops” to stop me getting too far off track (thank you David Goggins) and my plan is to lose 28lbs in the next 4-6weeks. I’m not sure how achievable it is but by setting goals I’m afraid I might not reach, I’ll be more successful than if I set goals I know I can reach.

Thanks for reading this post, I’ll be posting more information on the specifics of my eating, workouts and lifestyle changes I’ve made that will hopefully inspire you to do the same.

– James